Let’s talk about courage and confidence for a minute.
There are many people who wish for more courage and confidence in their lives. Whether it’s having the courage to leave a job and start a business or the confidence to go on these dating sites to find a life partner, at one point we all want to have more courage and confidence to go after our dreams.
Heck, some people even hire coaches specifically to gain more courage and confidence in their lives. They hire stylists hoping that looking better helps them feel more confident. They get new hairstyles, or new teeth to help with confidence. There are so many ways available to us to increase our confidence and courage these days.
But, what if we already have the courage and the confidence that we need to achieve our goals, and we just don’t want to be seen as starting small or as a beginner, and that’s what’s holding us back?
Maybe our ego is protecting us from the embarrassment we feel when we are just beginning and starting to figure it all out. Embarrassment is a strong emotion and we’ll do just about anything to avoid feeling it.
My parents never taught me how to ride a bike. So here I am, a grown-a** adult, and I can’t ride a bike. I can’t bike through towns in Europe (very common there). I can’t ride with my husband who is an avid bike rider. I can’t bike to the store just to pick up a few items. I can’t enjoy the simple pleasure of riding a bike.
A few years ago, I decided I would finally learn. As I hopped on the bike and had my daughters ready to teach me (I made sure that they learned), the neighborhood kids shouted at me, “HOW COME YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BIKE?” I was mortified that these kids were questioning why I don’t know this basic life skill.
I was embarrassed. So what did I do? I stopped. I hid. I no longer wanted to try. And, if I did try again, it would be when no one was around so that I could avoid feeling embarrassed.
It’s embarrassing to be in my 50’s (I was at that time), and be seen as a toddler trying to steady a bike with my feet and not fall off. The embarrassment overtook my desire to learn how to ride with any level of proficiency.
And, although I eventually figured out how to be upright and peddle, it’s far from knowing how to ride. The road has to be empty with no cars or people for me to even try. Being embarrassed by being seen playing small killed my dream. Same for swimming but that’s another story rooted in institutional racism.
My point in sharing my embarrassment with you here is to point out that most of the time, it’s not about having the courage or the confidence. I had the courage to try and the confidence in my ability to eventually learn. It’s the fear of embarrassment that stopped my progression.
Most of us want to know everything and have it all figured out so that we look like an expert when we do take action or put ourselves out there to be seen to avoid looking bad in one way or another. And, because it takes us a looong, time to really feel ready, we are always preparing to get ready to be ready so that we are really ready. You get my point.
Don’t let your fear of embarrassment slow down your progress and momentum when it comes to starting that business, quitting that job, asking for that raise or promotion. Whatever you dream of doing, don’t let it stay a dream. Don’t fall for all of your expertly crafted excuses as to why you can’t do it or why you can’t start now.
You don’t need to be in a hurry. You need to get in motion. You need to put pressure behind your goals so that you show up. It doesn’t matter that you don’t know everything yet. Get started and yes, hire that coach. A coach that has been on your journey and achieved what you want to achieve.
If you want to go to a high-level, you’ve got to have someone go with you. When you are ready, reach out to me. Let me show you how coaching can get you to the outcomes you desire. Go to talkwitheva.com and let’s get started.